It’s been just over a week since we lost Charly and while we’re still hurting, and there are still several moments every day where her death hits me like a tidal wave, there are good times, too. Times where we can remember her happily, instead of through sobbing tears. Through this difficult time of losing our beloved dog, there have been so many people that reached out with kind words or deeds that we appreciated so much.
I wanted to compile a few here for those that might not know what to do for someone that has lost a pet, or if you are the one that has suffered through a loss–there are some ideas of things we did ourselves to keep the memory of Charly alive in our home.
1. Validate it as a great loss. Charly was my first dog, and I admit, I didn’t realize how badly it was going to hurt to lose her. I was inconsolable. I cried myself to sleep for many nights. Losing her was the greatest loss I ever experienced and one thing that helped was when others acknowledged that. I think this is truly the most important thing anyone (and everyone) can do. Some people that don’t have pets may not realize the loss, but the most comforting conversations, comments, messages and texts were the validating ones, “This must be devastating for you.” “I’m so sorry for your loss.” “She was such a big, cherished part of your family, I’m crying with you.” are just a few of the simple examples of condolences that really helped.
2. Take family photos. Because we knew the date we were going to have to put Charly down, we were able to have one last family photo session–pictures we’ll cherish forever! My friend, Whitney, who is a great photographer volunteered to come over and take them in our home and I’m so grateful. If you can operate a camera, offering to take photos of a family with their pet is something they’ll always remember.
3. Send flowers/something edible. If you feel the desire to send something, we received beautiful flowers, chocolates, cookies and even meals that put a smile on our face and helped us know someone was thinking of us and Charly.
4. Engrave a Necklace. My friend gifted me a beautiful vertical bar necklace with Charly’s name engraved on it from this etsy shop. It’s delicate and simple and a way I can have her with me all the time. It definitely made me cry.
5. Get a copy of Dog Heaven. A friend brought this book over for our family the day before Charly died and it not only helped our daughters, but also me and Chris. It’s a comforting, tear-inducing book about where dogs go and what it’s like after they die. (There’s also a Cat Heaven book.)
6. Have a Professional Portrait taken. We took Charly into a local photo studio, Josh Peterson Photography, to have her portrait taken. This was something I wish we would have done long ago, but I’m so grateful we did it before she passed.
7. Get A Stuffy. A friend bought each of our girls (even Polly!) a stuffed animal that looks just like Charly shortly before she died so they’d never have to be without a Charly. They sleep with them. They brought them to school for Show and Tell. Greta has definitely had a difficult time since Charly passed and when she misses real Charly, she hugs her stuffy and it helps.
8. Memorialize with Art. We received two beautiful paintings after Charly’s passing that now grace the walls of our home and help us always remember our Charly girl.
First was a very realistic watercolor pet portrait from Jamie Clark Art. (Her pet portraits start at just $68)
And second was a beautiful abstract watercolor from my sister, Victoria (artbyvbm on Etsy), who captured us perfectly in just a few color-blocked strokes.
9. Make an ornament. Taking off Charly’s collar was a very emotional moment. We strung a ribbon through her dog tag, a pink bone that reads “Charly” to make an ornament. Last year, we also made a clay imprint of her paw, using this kit, to hang on our tree and I’m so happy we did!
10. Let Yourself Grieve. When all is said and done and gifted and memorialized, your heart is still going to hurt. You’re still going to cry. You’re still going to miss that furry member of your family. And all you can do is learn to let yourself grieve. It’s a painful, but necessary thing we’re going through right now. We thought, maybe getting another dog right away would help, and I think it will when we’re ready, but right now our hearts are still healing. We’re enjoying remembering her through telling stories and looking at photos and keeping her memory alive within our home.
I know we’re not alone in this, because so many of you reached out with similar experience–thank you. Was there something that helped you during your pet’s passing that I missed?
I am so sorry for your loss. I read your article and it totally reminded me of my situation when I lost my first girl 3 years ago. After time, we got TWO new puppies. They love each other so much! Unfortunately and unexpectedly, we had to put the girl down at 2 years old because she had a VERY RARE AND AGGRESSIVE cancer. There was nothing we could have done to prevent it. NOTHING we could do to save her. Im hurting so bad and I have this little guy here sad without his sis. Trying to keep him busy and extra attention…. but man this is hard. Im so sorry that you and your family have come to learn this UNBEARABLE PAIN. 💔
Part of allowing myself to grieve the loss of my dog has been to give things away as I feel I’m ready or not push myself to immediately give away or throw away the things that remind me of her. Even the simple sign on the side of the fridge that indicates if she was fed or not, or the schedule that she kept each day, especially to manage all of her illnesses above her food bowl. The bed that she laid on, and the blanket from my car that she used and smelled like her. All of the “dog towels” I washed weekly – if I give them away, it really means she’s gone and sometimes I’m not ready to feel that ache all over again. It’s important to not rush parting with those things. They were a part of her life and a part of the life we lived together.
Thank you so much for this…I loved your ideas! This was sent to me by a very loving friend who was so thoughtful!
We had to put our beloved dog Ryder down 2 days ago, on Mother’s Day morning. And you are so right, people that have no pets are pretty clueless of how much it hurts to gently let a pet go. But most of our friends absolutely knew how to provide a bit of comfort to my husband and I, which we will never forget. I was so glad that I spent the last night sleeping with Ryder down on the floor next to my bed, and got to have us curl up together as we slept. He was 80 pounds and could not walk anymore and was in so much pain from a back injury (from chasing squirrels, lizards, butterflies, opossums, and even reflections on the ground and more in our backyard – He had a a tremendous prey drive!). Since he was a rescued senior dog, and we had provided with a loving home for the past 4 years, we knew we needed to gently let him go the the next morning. I will definitely read the recommended book and also have a friend of ours watercolor a beautiful painting of him.
I’ve cried myself to sleep the last two nights; this morning I googled how to cope with the death of a pet. I went on IG as a distraction a few minutes ago and saw your post. Thank you. Thank you for understanding how real and hard this is. Some of your ideas had crossed my mind, then I second-guessed myself, is it too much? I haven’t shared his passing with anyone outside my immediate family, I don’t think they would understand. Your posts and reading comments from your other readers have helped.
Also, I think gifting something related to the pet might be another good idea. Just check what I found here -https://www.giftideasclub.com/gifts-for-pet-loss/ and you will know what I am talking about.
Thank you so much for writing this. I’m sorry you had to go through this horrible loss to find the right words to comfort others, but I’m so thankful to have read it. My sweet cream colored 17-year-old Persian cat Sammy is currently in the final stages of Kidney Failure. He’s an extension of my soul and I got him when I was 9 so I can barely remember a life without him. It’s soul shatteringly painful to lose a pet. The anticipation and realization that my time with him is going fast has broken me in half and the grief has been hard to overcome at times. I’m going to be getting something with his name engraved and I think photos would be a great idea and you made me realize I should record his purr (it’s so loud and is always the soundtrack to my bedtime). Your article really helped me, thank you.
Emily x